On the surface, everyone talks about collaboration. But as you’ve likely experienced in your own career, “collaboration” means very different things to different people.
From a referral mindset rooted in my Can I Borrow Your Car? Philosophy — where taking care of others’ relationships is paramount — I want to share some insights on how to make collaboration truly charismatic and mutually rewarding.
The Collaboration Myth: Why We’re Not All Speaking the Same Language Isn’t Just About Current Clients
Most professionals think collaboration means sharing or exchanging current clients. That’s natural — you already have those relationships, so it feels like a safer, more predictable place to start. But here’s the catch: those relationships are your most valuable assets, and the risk of damaging them makes collaboration in this space inherently constrained. When you collaborate around existing clients, you’re dealing with a high-stakes environment where trust and value have already been established, so the margin for error is slim.
Beware the One-Way Street: Collaboration Is Not Taking
Too often, what’s called collaboration is really a one-way street where one party expects to receive referrals or fees without offering meaningful value in return. I see this all the time with advisors, consultants, CPAs, attorneys, and others who pitch collaboration as “refer me to your clients, and I’ll do a great job for them.”
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, it’s a transactional mindset, not a collaborative one. If I have a choice between a true partner who invests in mutual growth and someone who’s just looking to take, the partner comes first every time.
The Charismatic Collaboration Framework
Here’s how I recommend financial advisors approach collaboration to build genuine, productive partnerships:
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Start with Expert Service Providers (ESPs)
When you refer to someone because they’re excellent at what they do, think of them as an Expert Service Provider — not yet a collaborator. These are trusted specialists who deliver value to your clients, like surgeons or technical experts. When ESPs consistently exceed expectations, that’s when you start considering collaboration.
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Initiate a Mutual Discovery Conversation
Reach out with something like:
“I’ve loved referring clients to you because you do fantastic work. That’s not changing. But the more I see your value, the more interested I am in exploring how we might collaborate to bring in new clients together — clients that fit both our ideal profiles. Would you be open to a conversation about that?” Then, listen. A surprising number of professionals have never had this kind of open, mutual conversation.
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Seek Net New Business, Not Just Existing Clients
True collaboration is about designing a process to attract new ideal clients for both parties. Not everyone will be interested, and that’s okay. The collaborators who will help you scale are those eager to grow their practices alongside you, not just maintain the status quo.
Collaboration vs. Expert Service Providers
Think of ESPs as essential instruments in your client service orchestra — they fulfill specific roles and deliver expert value. But collaborators? They’re your partners in growth, co-creating opportunities, and expanding your reach together.
By adopting this mindset and approach, you’ll build charismatic collaborations that are sustainable, rewarding, and aligned with your goal of becoming the obvious choice in your industry. This is how you create a referral culture based on giving, trust, and mutual success-not begging or transactional exchanges.
Related: Unlocking Growth and Exit Success: The Power of Centers of Influence