Marry a Big Spender? Tips to Fix Money Issues With Your Partner

Dear Pam,

Q. I married a spender. Every month she’s spending more than we have. Now we can’t even think about investing for the future. For better or for worse, I’m stuck.

— Andy, Englewood, NJ

A. Money issues always top of the list of causes that break up relationships. Opposites definitely attract, and one spouse’s idea of living is the other’s idea of lavishing. A lifelong partnership requires trust and respect. That means you each need to recognize you bring different styles of managing money to the marriage, and both will need to bend to prevent money.

Here are some tips to help immediately stabilize your situation:

Recognize money is the necessary tool that can power your lifestyle now, and in the future.

Write down your goals separately. Then together share and combine the vision. It’s important that you do this in writing.

Talk through the strategies that will allow you to enjoy those goals.

Acknowledge some degree of independence is healthy. Set up separate bank or brokerage accounts so you have: your’s, mine and our’s accounts. Agree to funding an emergency savings cushion and define ‘emergencies’.

You’re a team now. If your spouse is overusing credit cards, you’ll need to stick to using a debit card and agree to restrict the amount of available credit.

Stay focused on investing for the future. Maybe it’s for a child, or to save for a solid retirement. This way, you keep your eyes on the prize instead of holding grudges over past mistakes.

It’s not easy managing and investing your own money, and it’s twice as challenging when you’re trying to blend two completely different styles. I recommend meeting with a qualified, fee-based financial planner who can help you develop the habit of not making each other ‘wrong’ and instead establishing and then supporting the good habits.