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There’s a funny thing about leadership no one tells you when you’re on your way up: The higher you climb, the fewer people will tell you the truth.
Not because they’re dishonest but because they’re human. Teams want to please their leader. Colleagues want to protect the relationship. Even close friends can shy away from challenging your thinking when the stakes are high.
And so, without realizing it, we start making decisions in a vacuum. We mistake our experience for omniscience.
The last great Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, warned, “If anyone can refute me, show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective. I’ll gladly change. For it’s the truth I’m after. And the truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance.”
The trouble is, most leaders don’t have enough people in their lives willing or able to “refute” them in the constructive, progress-driving way Aurelius meant.
That’s why the smartest leaders, the ones who consistently make better decisions, operate with a paradox: They don’t rely solely on themselves. The Ask.
After coaching hundreds of CEOs, founders, and executives, I’ve distilled one truth: clarity is rarely created in isolation.
That’s why I teach my clients the ASK Method which is a deceptively simple three-step process to improve the quality of your decisions. It’s a way to optimize how you ask effectively to get the clarity and results you seek.
A – Align
Before making a big decision, step back and ask: Is this aligned with my long-term goals and values? Most leadership missteps happen not because the decision is “bad,” but because it’s disconnected from the bigger vision.
S – Seek
Get perspective from a coach, mentor, or peer advisory group. The stoic philosopher Seneca put it plainly, “While we teach, we learn.” Others can see your blind spots and you can see theirs, but you can’t see your own without a mirror.
K – Know
Differentiate between facts, assumptions, and gut feelings. What’s proven? What’s inferred? What’s just your intuition talking? Socrates nailed it, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”
When you run important decisions through Align, Seek, Know, you add layers of wisdom and reduce the risk of expensive mistakes.
Here’s why it helps to gain outside perspectives… Think of your mind like a snow globe. When you’re swirling inside a problem, it’s chaos with ideas flying everywhere. Sitting with a trusted coach or in a room with peers who’ve walked your path is like setting that snow globe down. The “snow” settles. Suddenly, you can see clearly again.
A good coach won’t hand you the answer, they’ll expand your perspective so you discover a better one yourself.
A great peer advisory group will pressure-test your thinking, challenge your assumptions, and encourage you to take bolder, smarter action.
The result? Better decisions, made faster, with more confidence.
Be careful. Many leaders unconsciously get caught in the busy trap as a way to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. We pack our calendars, jumping from meeting to meeting without ever taking the time to slow down to think deeply about the business. We bury ourselves in email.
But here’s the truth, clarity comes from perspective, not pace.
That’s why stepping outside your mental echo chamber, whether with a coach, a mastermind, or a trusted group of peers is so transformative. You’re no longer just reacting. You’re responding with intention.
Here’s your challenge for this week: Pick one meaningful decision you’ve been wrestling with. Before you act, run it through the ASK Method.
Do this with one decision this week, and notice how it changes your thinking.
Ask, where might my “certainty” be limiting my best possible decision?
When you can answer that with honesty and bring in the right voices to test your thinking, you’ll not only make better choices, you’ll lead with a calm confidence your team will feel and follow.
Leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about creating the conditions for the best answers to emerge.
Your next breakthrough is out there. It just might not come from you.
Related: Strategic Delay: The Leadership Habit That Separates the Good From the Great