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My mom was diagnosed with Stage III Gallbladder Cancer at the end of January.
On the heels of watching the destruction of the LA Fires, and then a fire that came too close to us in San Diego for comfort, and so many other wake-up calls, something shifted. My veins were pulsing with a need for action. A need for change. Just do it. Take the trip. Make the move.
I’d been talking for years about going back to Italy. I’m full Italian and had been twice before, but it had been 12 years. Our kids are 7 and 10, and I had approximately 129 excuses ready: They’re too young. It won’t be a vacation, it’ll be chaos. I’ll be overstimulated. People kept saying to go without the kids, but I wanted a two-week trip, and honestly, we don’t typically leave them for more than seven days.
The excuses were endless. The excuses were also bullshit.
So we went. It was stressful to plan (but a fun kind of stressful, because I’m a planner). It was chaotic, exactly as expected. And it was so much fun. Memories created. Zero regrets.
Over the last 20+ years of sitting between two tables (the one where I plan other people’s financial futures and the one where I live my own life) I’ve learned that we make up excuses. We tell ourselves stories about why we can’t take the trip, can’t leave the job, must follow through on commitments we never wanted to make in the first place.
There is conservatism, there is responsibility, and then there is hiding. Delaying gratitude for reasons we don’t actually understand. Not allowing ourselves to experience the joy that’s available right now.
The Stories Running in the Background
Think about your own mental soundtrack. The goals you’ve been postponing:
When I’m X years old, I’ll start the business.
I’ll go back for my MBA when the time is right.
I’ll get the divorce when the kids leave.
We can’t afford to change jobs. We need the benefits.
We’ll take the trip when the kids are older.
I’ll call home next week.
Harvard psychiatrist John Sharp calls these “the story you’ve been telling yourself about who you are and how everything always plays out.” They’re not objective facts about your life. They’re narratives. Often with some degree of catastrophe baked in. (The catastrophe-projection is a particularly strong pastime of mine). Built on assumptions about what you can’t do, what always happens, what never happens.
And here’s the kicker: research shows these self-limiting beliefs literally shape our behavior and mental health. Studies have found that people with anxiety are more likely to believe negative statements about themselves are true. That holding negative beliefs about oneself is an independent risk factor for depression.
The bulk of the thoughts running through our minds are stories, not facts. And we let those stories (not facts) dictate our actions and feelings. We hold back from connections, from risk, from opportunities because we’re playing a part in a story that isn’t even true.
The Money Story We Keep Telling
One of the biggest stories? “We can’t afford it.”
Sometimes that’s legitimate. But often, it’s a convenient excuse that lets us avoid the real fear underneath.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this line of conversation:
Client: “I’d love to do [thing], but we just can’t afford it right now.”
Me: “Your net worth is $2.3 million.”
Client: “I know, but we need to be careful.”
Me: “You have $400K in cash earning 0.5%.”
Client: “What if something happens?”
Me: “What if nothing happens and you never do the thing?”
Silence.
We talk about money and happiness like we’ve got it all figured out. For years, we heard that once you earn around $75,000, more money won’t make you happier. That finding became gospel. Permission to not reach higher, to stay comfortable, to tell ourselves that wanting more was pointless.
Turns out that research was wrong.
In 2023, Nobel Prize-winning economist Daniel Kahneman reconciled his famous 2010 findings with newer research. The truth: for most people, happiness continues rising with income well past $75,000. For the happiest 30% of people, well-being actually accelerates once earnings exceed $100,000.
So yes, money matters. But what matters more is what we do with it.
Money alone doesn’t bring happiness. Experiences do. Relationships. Connection. Community. Feeling part of something bigger than ourselves.
Research from the University of Texas involving nearly 8,000 people found that people are consistently happier when they spend money on experiences rather than material possessions, regardless of price. The trip. The concert. Dinner with friends. These moments bring more joy than any gadget or luxury item.
As a financial planner, I can tell you: the clients who regret their choices aren’t the ones who spent “too much” on experiences. They’re the ones who waited. Who saved perfectly. Who optimized everything except their actual lives.
So the story that “we need more money to be happy” misses the point entirely. We need to stop waiting and start experiencing.
The Regret I Avoided (Thanks to Someone Else’s)
In college, I had a boyfriend who told me about choosing to play basketball with friends instead of visiting his grandmother. She died shortly after. He never got to see her again, and the regret haunted him.
That story lodged itself in my brain.
A year later, when I was 20 and home from college, my own grandmother was in the hospital about 45 minutes in the opposite direction from where I needed to be. She was okay, but recovering from a small procedure. It would be a big detour. I was busy.
But I remembered my boyfriend’s story. I went anyway.
We chatted. I painted her nails. She died unexpectedly a few weeks later.
I have never regretted making the effort.
The psychology backs this up. According to Regret Theory, our decision-making is heavily biased toward avoiding outcomes that might cause regret. We’re wired to avoid psychological pain. But often, by trying to avoid regret through inaction, we create it.
It’s rarely the action we take that haunts us. It’s the action we don’t take.
The Stories We Tell About Ourselves
We’re not worthy enough. Not rich enough. Not pretty enough. Not bold enough. Not strong enough. Not deserving of (insert your goal here).
These aren’t facts. They’re stories.
I’m in a new phase of life after being consumed by work for 15 years. This phase isn’t fully focused on dollars. It’s about relationships. Walks with friends. Study groups with other advisors. Longer chats with clients. Making homemade Halloween costumes for my kids. Baking, reading, writing, happy hours. Creating memories.
I’m not meant to be a stay-at-home mom (bless those who are), but I am meant to allow myself deep, meaningful connections with my kids. For them to see my silly side. To know their mom laughs, is a terrible dancer, is proud of her curves, can joke about her perimenopausal body, gives the BIGGEST hugs when they walk in from school—and then tells them to get out of her office so she can actually work.
This is possible because I stopped believing the story that I had to choose between career and presence. Between earning and experiencing. Between productivity and joy.
Research in cognitive-behavioral therapy shows that challenging limiting beliefs can alter negative thought patterns, reduce anxiety, and improve overall well-being. We can consciously choose new narratives—ones that are empowering, realistic, and aligned with our actual values.
You are the editor of your own life story.
What Actually Brings Happiness
The research is remarkably consistent:
Autonomy matters more than money. Studies show that the feeling that your life and activities are self-chosen and self-endorsed is the biggest contributor to happiness. Money can provide autonomy, but it’s what the autonomy brings—control, choices, freedom—that creates well-being.
Experiences matter more than possessions. The trip you took will bring you more lasting joy than the watch you bought. Every single time.
Connection matters more than accumulation. That’s why churches remain popular—the community aspect is powerful. It’s why walking with friends matters. Why study groups matter. Why giving the biggest hug when your kids walk in matters.
The clients who are happiest aren’t the ones with the biggest portfolios. They’re the ones who’ve given themselves permission to use their resources to create the life they actually want. Not the life they think they’re supposed to want. Not the life that looks good on paper. The life that feels good when they’re living it.
We only get one life. Our time here is precious. I believe in creating impact, and I know I have through many phases of my career and personal life. But I also believe in fluidity. In allowing ourselves to evolve. In questioning the stories that keep us small.
So Here’s My Question for You
What stories are you telling yourself?
What excuses have become so familiar they feel like facts? What dreams are you delaying for “someday”? What connections are you postponing? What risks are you avoiding not because they’re actually risky, but because the story in your head says you can’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t?
I’m not saying go into debt. I’m saying stop making excuses.
Stop hiding behind responsibility when what you’re really doing is delaying gratitude. Stop letting stories that aren’t even true dictate your actions.
The stories we tell ourselves aren’t just about money. They’re about worth. About permission. About believing we deserve the joy available to us right now, not someday when conditions are perfect.
Conditions will never be perfect. Your kids will never be the “right age.” You’ll never have “enough” saved. The timing will never be ideal. There will always be 129 reasons to wait.
Do It, Now
Not recklessly. Not irresponsibly. But deliberately. Intentionally. Before the regret of inaction becomes heavier than the fear of action.
Paint your grandmother’s nails. Book the flight to Italy. Leave the job that’s draining you. Have the conversation. Make the memory.
The stories we tell ourselves prevent us from allowing ourselves to be happy.
So stop telling stories. Start living.
Related: Stop Living on Autopilot: Create Financial Optionality and Design a Life You Actually Want