Stop Comparing Yourself to the Person Who Has the Job You Want

A few years ago, I met a woman in a leadership program I facilitate for a client.

She was being groomed to eventually become president of her organization. Clearly, other people saw something in her. They saw her potential. They believed she could grow into greater responsibility.

I’m not sure she saw it yet.

When she first came into the program, she was quiet and uncertain. Confidence was an issue. And as I got to know her, I began to understand some of what she was wrestling with.

The current president was still there. He was a man with his own personality, experience, and way of leading. And here she was, looking at this role she might one day occupy and wondering whether she belonged there.

She didn’t look like the person who was already doing the job. She didn’t lead like him either.

And that was okay. Because the job was never going to require her to become him.

I’ve watched some version of this happen over and over again with people considering their next opportunity. They look at the people already in the roles they aspire to and begin comparing themselves. Do I have their personality? Their confidence? Their experience? Their presence? Could I do what they do?

Before long, am I interested in that? quietly becomes I’m probably not the kind of person who could do that.

And sometimes we take ourselves out of the running before we’ve even discovered what the role actually requires.

That’s where I like to ask a very simple question: how do you know?

Are You Not Ready, or Have You Decided You’re Not Ready?

There is an important difference between not being ready for a role and assuming you aren’t ready for it.

Maybe you aren’t ready. Yet.

Leadership readiness isn’t about convincing yourself that you can do anything if you just believe in yourself enough. It’s about getting clear enough to understand what greater responsibility actually requires, where you are today, and what you need to develop to get there.

So if you’re looking at an opportunity and thinking, I’m not sure I’m the kind of person who belongs in that role, get curious.

What does the role actually require?

If you don’t know, find out. Talk to people who have done it. Talk to people who are doing it now. Ask what surprised them about the responsibility. Find out which skills and experiences mattered most. If you have the opportunity, shadow someone. Ask what they wish they had known before they stepped into the role.

Then look at yourself again. Not through the lens of the person who currently has the job, but through the lens of what the job actually requires.

What do you already bring? Where are the gaps? Which gaps can you close? What experience do you need? What do you need to learn? And what parts of who you already are will help you carry that responsibility in a way that is genuinely yours?

Now you’re no longer guessing about whether you’re ready. You’re building readiness.

Leadership Readiness Develops the Person Who Does the Leading

This is one of the things that often surprises people in the leadership programs I facilitate. They come expecting leadership training, and certainly we give them that. But I also ask them to look inward.

What qualities do you admire in great leaders? What qualities make someone difficult to follow? What matters most to you, not just professionally but personally? What are your values, and what do those values actually look like in the way you work? What kind of leader do you want to be?

If you say you want to become a better leader, what does better actually mean?

You’ve got to name it to claim it.

Because leadership isn’t only about what you know how to do. It’s also about who is doing it. You bring yourself into every leadership skill you learn. Your values. Your confidence. Your doubts. Your relationships. Your energy. Your priorities. Your experiences. Even your beliefs about what a leader is supposed to look like.

The skills matter. The training matters. Experience matters. But the person underneath those skills has to be prepared to carry greater responsibility too.

And that’s what I watched happen with this woman.

Over the course of the program, she blossomed. Even that word feels inadequate when I think about the woman I met then and the leader I see today.

She didn’t suddenly have all the answers. In fact, part of her growth was becoming confident enough not to have all the answers. She became willing to explore. To learn. To pursue additional development. To ask questions. To keep stepping toward the responsibility in front of her.

Eventually, she became president of her organization.

I’d love to say our program created that woman, but it didn’t. She was already there. The potential was there. The capacity was there. The program gave her tools, experiences, and perspective, and she continued developing long after it ended.

But I believe something else happened along the way.

She gave herself permission to lead as herself.

Leadership growth isn’t always about becoming someone new. Sometimes it’s about becoming more fully who you already are.

Your Next Clear Move

Think about an opportunity you’ve been curious about. A promotion, a leadership role, a stretch assignment, or even a role that doesn’t exist yet.

Have you already decided you’re not ready for it?

Ask yourself: how do I know?

Then replace the assumption with information. Find out what the opportunity actually requires. Separate what you already bring from what you still need to build. Talk to people. Ask questions. Get curious. Create the roadmap.

You may discover that you aren’t ready today. That’s useful information because now you know what you need to develop and can begin moving in that direction.

But you may also discover that the person you’ve been comparing yourself to was never the requirement in the first place.

She didn’t become the leader who came before her. She became something better. The leader only she could be.

And that’s available to you too. But only if you stop using someone else as the measuring stick.