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Most advisors who have been through professional development are familiar with active listening.
Maintain eye contact. Nod. Reflect back what was said. Paraphrase to confirm understanding. From the outside, it looks like presence. And it is better than not listening at all.
But there is a problem with active listening that shows up the moment a prospect encounters someone practicing it.
Part of the listener's attention is on the performance.
Am I nodding enough? Did I reflect that back correctly? Are they registering that I am engaged? That split attention is felt. Not consciously. But the prospect senses the difference between someone managing their attentiveness and someone who is simply, completely, absorbed in what they are saying.
Real listening has no technique. There is no behaviour to track. The advisor is not managing anything. They are just here, with the person in front of them, receiving what is being shared.
When someone feels that, genuinely received rather than skillfully processed, something opens up. They say things they were not planning to say. They go into parts of their situation they had decided, before the conversation started, to leave out. They trust. Not because something impressive was said. Because the quality of the attention made it feel safe to be honest.
Active listening is something you do to a conversation.
Real listening is a decision made before the conversation begins. The decision to set down the outcome, let go of the next question, and be genuinely present with whatever arrives.
That decision, made before the first word is spoken, is what changes everything.
Related: How to Become the Only Advisor They Are Still Thinking About
Ari Galper is the world’s number one authority on trust-based selling and is the most sought-after high-net worth/lead generation expert for financial advisors. His newest book, “Trust In A Split Second” has become an instant best-seller among financial advisors worldwide – you can get a Free copy of Ari’s book here and, when you click the “YES” button in the order form, you’ll also receive a complimentary “plug up the holes” lead generation consultation. Ari has been featured in CEO Magazine, Forbes, INC Magazine and the Financial Review. He is considered a contrarian in the financial services industry and in his book, everything you learned about selling will be turned upside down. No more chasing, no pressure, no closing.