Tis the season. Gift giving can be free, personalized and quick. How?
Give the gift of well thought out compliments to the people around you. Not the kind that come from the lamest department store in your brain, such as “Nice sweater!” or “You are SO sweet!”
Like all excellent gifts, a compliment to somebody should be:
- Specific- It refers to a particular thing that the recipient does or embodies, something unique.
- Well Planned – Think about what you will say and how you will say it; rehearse and visualize how it will go.
- Delivered – Yes, delivered! Thinking a nice thing about someone is not a compliment; you have to say it.
Make a list of 5 or 10 people that you should give compliments to, then start to draft out what that compliment will be. Some examples….
For someone who loves fashion: “What a cool watch on your wrist! You always have the most interesting accessories – you have a real sense of style. Thank you for always adding a touch of class to my day!”
For someone who values manners and good behavior: “You know, this is a world where manners are overlooked. And then there is you – you always take a moment to do the polite thing. Whether it’s getting the door for someone, or letting a person go first, or just saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ you are one of the politest people I have ever met. Thank you.”
For someone who is competent: “We have a lot of talented people here. You stand head and shoulders above all of us when it comes to _____. You are amazing, and I want you to know that I'm impressed and I am hoping to get half as good at this as you are.”
For someone who is gruff or grumpy (yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and he made sure that even the Grinch got a present): “Can I say something that’s been on my mind? We don’t always see eye to eye, but I always know where I stand with you and I respect that. I have learned a lot about clarity and honesty from you. I appreciate your direct approach to things, so thank you.”
There are people who may not want a compliment, just like there are people who don’t want another salad spinner as a gift. Give them a compliment anyway. It won’t hurt them, it won’t take up any room in their closet, and the risk/reward analysis is good that it will lift them up sometime, somehow.
Two excellent books to read on this (and similar) topics:
How To Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie, in print since 1936 with revisions
Million Dollar Networking, Andrea Nierenberg, 2005 - a classic that reminds us what networking in the non-digital world can be!
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