More face-to-face meetings means that body language is back, and you may be out of practice. Two centuries of modern office culture and etiquette have not been washed away like sandcastles by lockdowns. How we held our bodies mattered before March of 2020 and it matters now. In fact, experts in this sort of thing say that non-verbal communication makes up about two thirds of any face-to-face encounter.
Some reminders on the basics:
1. Relax your muscles to project power and confidence. That means muscles in the face (no bulging eyes or clenched jaws), the spine (posture, posture, posture) and the hands (get rid of fists and avoid those extended, pointing fingers).
2. Keep your in hands in view. When you are with someone, their subconscious mind is looking for your hands. What are they doing back there behind your back, or in your pockets, or under the desk? Don’t let your companion’s imagination get started.
3. Pick up something wholesome like your eyeglasses, a pen, or a notebook to keep your hands benignly in the picture. The old standbys of steepling (a sort of namaste, brought to the holder’s lips for a sustained, lifeless kiss) and resting your chin in your hand are probably too unsanitary for today’s norms.
4. Maintain eye contact about 75% of the time. If you have to be the one to break it, look to the side briefly instead of down, then reestablish contact. There are theories on the significance of looking to the left or right. Unless your companion is trained interrogator who you are trying to fool, I wouldn’t worry much about that.
5. Smile often. We CAN even smile in a mask because it shows in our eyes. Practice in front of a mirror if you don’t believe me.
6. Nod. People generally read a man’s nodding to mean agreement, a woman’s to mean encouragement.
7. Watch and Learn. Those who are lying, or are trying to get out of a commitment, almost always break eye contact noticeably as they struggle with their situation. They also tend to cover their mouths when speaking. I would be very slow to judge someone as a liar based on this, but you can certainly be sensitive to their hesitancies and tension.
8. Need to stretch? If you are stiff and need to keep stretching your neck or re-arranging your limbs, explain yourself to whoever you are talking to. Otherwise, the motions are distracting and unpleasant.
9. Angles matter. An old rule says that men like to be approached from a slight angle, rather than head on. Just stand or sit a little left or right of their body’s center line. Women, on the other hand, generally prefer to be approached straight on from the front. Pay attention if people adjust their position to you when you are with them – and respect what they just did.
10. Maintain your distance. Even before Covid, things were getting a little too touchy for some. Handshakes had given way to hugs, cheek kissing was becoming the norm for even strangers at parties, and lots of hands got put on lots of shoulders. Heaven help you if you try that sort of thing now. You can make up for the lack of backslapping and poking by smiling, without spreading any germs at all.
Our bodies can and should always exude respect and kindness to those we are lucky enough to see face-to-face.
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