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Written by: Chip Conley
Apparently, somewhere around menopause, a strange thing happens to some women.
No, not hot flashes.
Not brain fog.
Not the sudden ability to identify every bird in your backyard.
According to popular culture, women become invisible, so say some thought leaders.
One day you’re walking down the street and everyone notices you. The next day, you’re apparently a decorative ficus plant.
I’ve heard this complaint from many women in midlife who’ve come to MEA. Society stops seeing them the way it once did. Advertisers lose interest. Hollywood decides they’re either someone’s mother or someone’s grandmother. Even the waiter occasionally hands the wine list to the nearest man as if she has wandered into the restaurant by accident.
The experience reflects a broader pattern in which aging women often encounter both ageism and sexism simultaneously. (For a more in-depth perspective on this from my friend MeiMei Fox, you might appreciate this guest blog post, “Is Invisibility Your Midlife Superpower?”)
But I wonder if we’re framing this all wrong.
What if women aren’t becoming invisible?
What if they’re becoming visible to themselves?
For decades, many women have carried the impossible burden of being looked at. Evaluated. Judged. Ranked. Measured against standards that move faster than airline baggage carousels.
Then something fascinating happens.
The external spotlight dims.
And the internal spotlight brightens.
The woman who once worried about whether everyone liked her suddenly asks a much more interesting question: Do I like them?
The woman who spent years making herself pleasing begins making herself free.
It’s not that she disappears. It’s that she stops performing.
And that’s when things get dangerous…and beautiful.
Because a woman who no longer needs constant approval is harder to market to, manipulate, or marginalize.
She starts speaking her mind.
She wears what she wants.
She laughs louder.
She becomes gloriously inappropriate.
The great irony is that society may think it has stopped seeing midlife women just when they’re becoming their most interesting selves.
Invisible?
Hardly.
If anything, they’re finally coming into focus.
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