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There's something magical about beginnings. That first day of a new job, walking onto your college campus for the first time, or holding your newborn baby. These moments pulse with nervous energy and electric possibility. Your heart races with equal parts terror and excitement as you stand on the threshold of something entirely new.
And then there are the endings. Graduation day when you walk across that stage. The moment you hand over the keys to your first house sale. Walking your child down the aisle. These moments overflow with joy, elation, and pride. Sometimes, though, they carry that same cocktail of nerves and excitement, because with every ending comes the question: "What's next?"
But what about everything that happens in between?
The Space Between What Was and What Could Be
From day one of that new job to the five-year mark. From marking your first step onto your college campus to walking across the stage to collect your diploma. From giving birth to walking your child down the aisle. From the first word to your completed manuscript. From your first client to a thriving business.
These journeys—the long, winding paths between our beginnings and our endings—are where life actually happens. And if we're being honest, they're messy as hell.
Transitions are hard. They're uncomfortable. They're the space between what was and what could be. They require us to walk away from something old and into something not yet fully formed. They come with moments of joy and moments of deep questioning. They're filled with identity confusion, emotional turbulence, and the frustrating reality that growth isn't linear or immediately visible.
In my experience, it's the prospect of this messy middle that keeps many of us stuck.
The Comfort of Point A
If we could simply jump from Point A to Point C and skip Messy Point B altogether, many of us would be checking hard decisions and change off our to-do lists like it was as easy as tying our shoes. Alas, it's not that easy. And Point B is something we cannot avoid.
So instead of facing the uncomfortable to get to the beautiful, we sit in Point A. We stay with the familiar, as uncomfortable as even that has become. It's safe because we know this type of discomfort. We know what to expect in Point A. No surprises. We know what it looks like to walk through this door and stay. And so, many people do. Never taking risks. Never testing themselves. Never growing. Staying comfortable in the day-to-day.
This is not necessarily a bad thing. Many people find peace and ease in a life lived in Point A. However, Point A for many people also looks like dysfunctional relationships, toxic jobs, unhealthy habits or patterns, and a lack of psychological safety. If that's your Point A, it may be an opportune time to evaluate the stories you're telling yourself about risk and reward.
The Dream of Point C
Point C is what we dream of. The new business. The happy marriage. The dream job. The once-in-a-lifetime trip. Writing the book, creating the product, performing the show, taking the leap—in whatever way that looks in your life. It's the other side of the rainbow. The happy ending. It's the goal that we've set out for ourselves.
We can see Point C so clearly in our minds. We know exactly how it will feel when we get there. We've rehearsed the victory speech, imagined the celebration, pictured ourselves basking in the glow of achievement. Point C is beautiful, compelling, and perfectly formed in our imagination.
But here's what we don't spend enough time acknowledging: Point C doesn't exist without Point B.
Point B: Where the Magic (and Chaos) Happens
Point B is the road to get there. It's the work. It's where challenge happens. Growth. Questioning ourselves (and our life choices). It's where we become resilient. It's where we end up on the floor in a puddle of tears (in my case specifically, it's usually on the floor of my closet). It's uncomfortable. The roller coaster. Highs and lows. Like really high highs and then really low lows. Life is not linear. It's a wild ride. The kind of ride where you get nauseous and want to exit at various points throughout the experience.
Point B is where you're no longer who you used to be, but you haven't yet become who you're meant to be. It's where you cycle between exploring new possibilities and evaluating what you thought you knew. It's where you question everything, feel like you don't quite fit anywhere, and wonder if you're making a terrible mistake.
This is the messy middle of personal growth and development. It's the space where transformation actually happens, but it rarely feels good while you're in it.
Why We Avoid the Mess
The messy middle is where most people give up on their growth journey. And honestly, who can blame them? It's uncomfortable, uncertain, and feels like it goes on forever. We live in a culture that celebrates beginnings and endings but rarely talks about the grinding, exhausting, character-building work that happens in between.
We see the highlight reels—the graduation photos, the wedding announcements, the promotion celebrations—but we don't see the 2 AM study sessions, the relationship counseling, or the years of showing up when you don't feel like it. We don't see the moments of doubt, the setbacks, or the times when giving up feels like the most rational choice.
Learning to Dance with Discomfort
But here's what I've learned through my own messy middles: the discomfort isn't a sign that something's wrong. It's a sign that something important is happening.
Growth requires us to tolerate uncertainty, to sit with the discomfort of not knowing how things will turn out. It asks us to trust the process even when we can't see the destination. It demands that we show up consistently, especially when we don't feel like it.
The key is recognizing that feeling lost or uncomfortable during personal growth doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means you're doing something important.
Making Peace with Point B
So how do we stop avoiding the messy middle and start embracing it?
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Normalize it. The messy middle isn't a detour from your journey. It IS the journey. Every person who has ever accomplished anything meaningful has spent time in Point B, feeling exactly like you do right now.
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Find support. The messy middle is not meant to be navigated alone. Find people who understand what you're going through, whether that's a therapist, a mentor, a support group, or just friends who are honest about their own struggles.
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Practice self-compassion. Be patient with yourself. Trust in the process. Remember that backsliding and resistance are normal parts of growth, not evidence of failure.
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Celebrate the small wins along the way. Point B isn't just about suffering through until you reach Point C. There are moments of joy, breakthrough, and genuine progress scattered throughout the mess. Learn to recognize and celebrate them.
The Beautiful Truth
Here's the beautiful truth about the messy middle: it's where you become who you're meant to be. It's where you develop the strength, resilience, and wisdom that will serve you for the rest of your life. It's where you learn that you're capable of so much more than you ever imagined.
Point A is comfortable but limiting. Point C is beautiful but imaginary until you get there. Point B is messy, uncomfortable, and absolutely essential.
The next time you find yourself in the messy middle (and you will), remember that you're not lost. You're not failing. You're not doing it wrong.
You're growing. And that's exactly where you need to be.
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