It’s the Stories We Tell Ourselves

Ten years ago, I wrote and published The Fearless Factor, a deeply personal story that spoke to the fears and uncertainties of my life, and the challenges faced in growing up to become more confident and capable of building a life I could be proud of.

My intent in writing the book was to help people who struggled with the same fears and doubts I had experienced, and I offered insights gleaned through many difficult circumstances to help them move beyond limitations to create the life they desired.

I shared my personal story of overcoming a perilous childhood and an adolescence filled with fear and instability. I had lived a life inhabited by alcoholism, drug abuse, unwanted pregnancies, and constant uncertainty. It was not a pretty picture, but I knew that many had dealt with the same challenging circumstances, and I figured I had some insights into how to overcome it.

Little did I know how much of an impression that would make to help people change their way of thinking to evolve into more confident and secure individuals.

I have made it my life journey to understand fear. To overcome the debilitating effects of hyper-vigilance, trying to control everything, and playing small. In my work to overcome the impact of fear, I became insatiably curious and alert to the underlying beliefs (stories) that sabotaged my life.

We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves.

Creating a different narrative takes honesty and courage to address the issues that surround lack of confidence, poor communication skills, volatile relationships, financial insecurity, and constant self-doubt that undermines your career success.

If you have ever thought "I'm not good enough", or "I don't have what it takes to be successful," you are clinging to a story that is not the truth of who you are.

There will always be people who are smarter, quicker, more gifted than you.

There will always be people who you consider are more successful than you.

Instead of feeling you must be like them, think of them as people you can learn from to bring out the best in you. The key here is to trust that who and what you are is enough.

Socrates said the key to happiness is "Know Thyself."

I truly believe your one and only job in life is to figure out Who you are. What matters to you. And How you can be the best version of you so that others in your orbit can be the best version of them.

  • Do you believe in yourself enough to know what whatever you are truly committed to, you can make it happen?
  • Do you believe you can move beyond the fears that are currently keeping you from playing full out, and being the person you truly want to be?

When my clients begin their deep dive into the negative stories they tell themselves, they discover the myth of 'I'm not good enough', and start to create a new narrative that is more honest and authentic.

Our negative stories are behind many of the patterns that hold you back from achieving their goals. When you encounter the need to prove yourself, to be right, to insist on perfection, or seek approval and validation there is fear behind it. When you avoid decisions and oppose new ideas, all the while thinking it's keeping you safe, or at least maintaining status quo, you are dealing with fear.

The stories you tell yourself are the handcuffs of the mind.

Trapped in a cycle of limited thinking, and failure to take risks, you miss out on opportunities, and wonder why the negative messages create obstacles of your own making.

Hiding behind many of the insecurities to take more risks lies the thoughts, "what if it doesn't work?" or, "what if I don't succeed?". But what if...

  • What if it did work out?
  • What if you did succeed?
  • What if you could be so much more than you think you can be?

Setting a vision for the future is about aligning your values and purpose, and creating a strong story of success that you can live now.

Fundamentally, it's about learning how to trust yourself. Trust your decisions. Trust that you can handle whatever it is that comes your way. Trust that you can be more than you think you an be.

To become a confident, fearless person, someone who knows fear, but also willing to take the next step is about having the courage to take more risks. When you do that, you will no longer feel divided, uncertain and insecure.

You will no longer have doubts about who you are, what you're capable of, and you can trust that no matter what, you are safe and secure in knowing who you are.

It's all possible when you do the work of asking the hard questions, staying open and curious, and allowing yourself to tell different stories of who you really are. When you embrace a different story you can truly live up to your full potential and bring joy and fulfillment into your life.

The journey of life is evolutionary. Ask questions. Seek better answers. Always in search of self.

My journey has taken me across three continents and countless experiences that have allowed me to be the woman I am today. I have earned the right to say I'm Fearless because I changed the stories I told myself that were not true. I became a writer, singer, martial artist, wife, and mother of four amazing adults, as well as a professional coach and agent of change. My accomplishments continue to surprise and motivate me to be more courageous as I seek more opportunities to serve.

And you continue to evolve and change with each passing year consider:

  • Who do you want to be in the coming year?
  • What story do you want to change?
  • What will your new story be?

You have the power in you if you are willing to be courageous and move beyond where you are now, to something greater than you thought possible.

Related: 4 Ways To Listen Effectively: It Might Just Change Your Life