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Written by: Nancy Amick, Ph.D. – Family Governance and Education Advisor, Callan Family Office & Chelsea Sellin, MA – Family Historian
The best thing passed at the holiday table isn’t just the food that we share, but the stories that we tell.
When we gather around the table with friends and family, we often share stories about our lives and our memories from the past. As these stories are retold year after year and passed to new generations, they shape our family values, strengths, and traditions. For instance, lessons learned, bits of wisdom, and tales of perseverance—like a grandparent walking to school without shoes—teach resilience and character. Through these conversations, the narrative of our family begins to unfold, and our family culture slowly takes shape, revealing who we are and why we do the things that we do.
For some families, these conversations flow easily. The stories bring laughter, learning, and a sense of kindness toward one another; they bring us closer. For others, these same conversations can touch on pain points - for example, a family member who has grown distant, or words once spoken that created divide. Yet it is often within those moments that the deepest and most meaningful learning occurs. With time and reflection, wisdom can prevail, and our stories become about how we learned from the past and what we want to carry forward into the future. One thought-provoking question for families as they gather is what story they are writing now that will become their future family history.
Many families find it helpful to pose a question around the holiday table – one as simple as, “What are we thankful for this holiday season?” Meaningful family dinner conversations can bring richness and clarity to future generations, helping them better understand the experiences that shaped their parents and grandparents. These stories are part of creating a family’s identity, and they help younger generations build resiliency and a strong foundation that will guide them in making sense of their own lives and relationships.
This holiday season, consider the following conversation starters for your family table:
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Share one piece of wisdom passed down from a prior generation in our family.
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What is one of our favorite family traditions? How did the tradition start?
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Describe a favorite family recipe. What memories does this recipe conjure up for us?
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What are 1-2 values that are shared by members of our family? Where did these values come from?
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What are we most proud of about our family? What do we most want others to know about us?
This type of storytelling that happens over meals and during family gatherings is one of the most common ways that family stories are preserved: through telling and re-telling. Consider taking the next step by recording the stories that family members tell or developing a plan to preserve your most precious family documents and photos.
For more information about capturing your family’s oral history, creating a family archive, or learning more about a particular branch or story in your family, please reach out to your wealth advisor.
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