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A client recently asked me how to set up a meeting with a key center of influence—a referral source who could truly move the needle for their business.
Like many advisors, they’d been using AI tools like ChatGPT to research prospects and even draft emails to set up meetings. That’s fine—until it isn’t. Because when it comes to referrals, the biggest mistake you can make is outsourcing human connection.
AI will happily write you an email. You’ll edit it, hit send, and feel productive. But you just made a critical error:
Efficiency is not always effective.
The easiest path is rarely the one that creates the best results.
Referrals aren’t about getting more done. They’re about doing the right things with the right people—and doing it in a way that strengthens trust.
The Two Tracks of Referral Success
In Can I Borrow Your Car?, I teach that building a referral-rich business happens on two tracks at the same time:
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The Macro Strategy – The “I love referrals” mindset. Shift from asking for referrals to intentionally giving them. Lead with generosity. This one change alone can triple your organic referral growth. When you’re known as a giver, people want to work with you.
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The Micro Strategy – Specific, high-value actions with key relationships. These aren’t broad, mass-market plays. They’re focused, intentional, and deeply personal.
Where Advisors Go Wrong
Too many professionals try to justify a meeting by overloading an email with reasons why the other person should meet. That’s backwards.
The best prospects for a micro strategy meeting will meet with you just because you asked.
If you’ve given someone referrals, there’s a 99.999% chance they’ll take the meeting without any elaborate justification. So stop writing essays—just pick up the phone.
Call them.
Tell them you were thinking about them.
Ask if you can get together.
That’s it.
The Power of Permission
Once you’re face-to-face, start every meeting with the macro mindset:
“How are you doing? What’s going on? How can I help?”
Only after you’ve checked in and connected do you pivot to this simple question:
“I’ve been thinking about our relationship. Would you be open to having a conversation about how you might be able to help me grow my business?”
This is powerful because you’re not forcing the issue. You’re asking permission first. When they say yes (and they will), you can then share specifically who you’d like to meet—ideally, companies or people they already know.
Even at this point…ask permission:
”Great! How about we explore some relationships that I think could be significant for me, and why it could be rewarding for them to meet me? If it makes sense, we could talk about the most comfortable way to do it.”
Each step is designed to lower risk, increase comfort, and deepen trust.
The Big Takeaway
Don’t let technology convince you that shortcuts work in relationships. What feels efficient—emails, scripts, automated messages—often kills your results.
Pick up the phone.
Keep it simple.
Lead with giving.
Ask permission before asking for help.
When you slow down and connect as a human being, referrals stop being a transaction—and start becoming a multiplying force in your business.
Related: The Exit Planning Advantage Few Advisors Talk About: Collaboration That Reduces Risk