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Have you ever made an indiscreet comment and the room goes silent? Have you asked “Why the long faces” and discovered someone just received bad news? Have you felt awkward in groups, but did nor know why? One of the skills financial professionals need to develop is the ability to “read the room.”
Reading the room speaks to the ability to pickup clues from people around you and act accordingly. Here are a few examples:
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In the room, not in the mood. People attend events for plenty of reasons. Sometimes they are the spouse who is brought along because it is a couples event. It might be the opening at a museum exhibition. One partner serves on the board, the other is their plus one. They do not have the same interest in the reason for the event, possibly no interest at all. Their posture and facial expressions usually give clues.
Approach: What brings you here tonight?
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The arm’s length connection. We are still at the same museum exhibition opening reception. This has been setup for major donors and board members. You are involved and know their faces. The person you just spotted is a stranger.
Approach: Give them the benefit of the doubt. “What is your connection to the museum?” Their company might be the major sponsor of the exhibition. They are representing their firm and will be publicly thanked on stage.
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The serious huddle. You have arrived and circle the room, looking for clues. You do not know anybody at this event. You see three or four people talking together. Their voices are hushed. No papers are shown, but they appear to be only interested in talking with each other.
Approach: This is a group to avoid. Whatever is happening, it is serious. It is secretive. They do not want to be overheard. It could be lawyers discussing a case or business owners who have gotten into impromptu negotiations. Stay away.
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The constantly changing group. You see another group. They might be three, four, five people or even larger! There is lots of laughter. Everyone seems to be contributing to the conversation. People are leaving the group and are replaced by others.
Approach: This is a group you can join. As you approach, smile and ask: “Can I join in?” Don’t start talking immediately. Pick up on the subject of the conversation. Hear the points of view of others. Add your thoughts where appropriate.
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The person you recognize who is in conversation. This happens to me often. You attend an event. You see someone you know. They are talking with others. You do not know them or have only a passing acquaintance.
Approach: I walk over to the edge of the group and wait until there is a pause in the conversation. I excuse myself and say hello to my friend. I smile and introduce myself to the people I don’t know. After greeting them, I move to excuse myself, apologizing for the interruption. You are often asked to stay. Note: Do not extend an invitation to your friend at that moment unless you intend to invite the others too. Ask them to meet up with you separately.
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The empty seat at the table. Sometimes seats are reserved, other times they are not. In the world of charity galas, leaving a napkin over the back of a chair, leaving an auction paddle on the seat or a program on the dinner plate indicates that spot has been claimed. If you are in a cocktail party setting, there are usually chairs and tables for people who do not want to stand for an hour.
Approach: Ask if the seat is taken. If not, it is yours. Introduce yourself to the others and make polite conversation: Note: Years ago, I heard of a great strategy to use at seminar events setup by a financial advisor. Have an odd number of seats at each table. This gives the advisor the opportunity to move from table to table, making guests feel welcome.
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Who should I meet? You know one person in the room. That’s it. You can read nametags and work the room. You can talk with your friend all night. Here is a third idea.
Approach: Ask your friend “Is there anyone here you think I should meet?” They will most likely walk you over to the most important person they know who is in the room.
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Features of the event. If you don’t know anyone, you can still make conversation. Find someone who is also standing or sitting alone. If it is a wedding reception, talk about the music. The food is another good topic. Rewatch Love Actually (2003) to see this in action.
Approach: “I haven’t treed the food on the buffet yet. Is there anything you think I should try?”
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The two glasses of wine ploy. I cannot remember how many years ago I learned about this strategy. You are walking around, knowing few people at the event. Get two glasses of wine from the bar. (Presumably this is not a cash bar.) Start a conversation with someone.
Approach: If the conversation is going somewhere, “notice” you are holding two glasses and offer them one. If you want to get away, “notice” the two glasses and indicate you need to deliver the second one. (You need to hand it to someone, ideally someone you know, because the other person might be watching.)
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When can I get out of here? There is a sameness to many nonprofit social events. You have heard the described as “grip and grin” events or “the rubber chicken circuit.” You are bored. You met a few people. It is rude to disappear from the table without saying goodbye to your tablemates.
Approach: There is usually a program, often short. It involves the host thanking everyone for attending or an award presentation. Once that is over, it is OK to disappear. You will not be the only one.
It is easy to feel awkward in a room filled with strangers. You want to have the best time possible. These strategies should help you break the ice.