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Written by: Molly McClure
It was well-meaning feedback. Delivered calmly. Backed by a smile.
“You’re expecting too much from our cross-functional partners.”
I nodded politely. But inside, I bristled.
Too much? Compared to what?
I wasn’t asking for perfection. I was asking for accountability. For excellence. For ownership.
I was asking for the same standards I hold myself to.
But instead of brushing it off, I paused to reflect: Was I really asking too much? Or just too soon, too vaguely, or too often without context?
That moment of self-awareness reshaped how I lead.
High Expectations Aren’t the Problem. Misaligned Ones Are.
Let’s face it. When someone says “your expectations are too high,” they usually mean one of three things:
- A lack of clarity
- A lack of context
- A lack of capacity
When any of those are missing, even fair expectations can feel like pressure—or worse, blame.
A study in the Harvard Business Review found that 75% of cross-functional teams are dysfunctional, failing to meet at least three out of five core performance metrics: budget, timeline, customer expectations, alignment, or staying on strategy.
This isn’t about people. It’s about systems. And leaders are responsible for fixing systems.
What High Expectations Actually Signal
When you set high expectations—for your team, your peers, or your partners—you’re sending a powerful message:
- I believe you can do great work.
- I trust you to own outcomes.
- I know we can accomplish more if we align and focus.
This isn’t about ego. It’s about respect.
As Angela Duckworth, author of Grit, explains:
“When you keep your standards high, you signal belief in someone’s potential—even if they haven’t met it yet.”
And when people know that belief is real, they often rise to meet it.
How I’ve Evolved My Approach
Expectations still drive me, but I’ve learned to make them collaborative rather than top-down.
1. Expectation Does Not Equal Urgency
Just because I have a high bar doesn’t mean I expect results by tomorrow. I now lead conversations about what success looks like, and what’s realistic in the moment.
Try this: “This is what great looks like to me. How does that align with your team’s bandwidth right now?”
2. Context Over Commands
Cross-functional partners aren’t order takers. They’re collaborators. I now lead with business impact—revenue, retention, brand equity—and invite their input early.
“This is tied to our Q3 growth goal. Can we talk through the best way to get there together?”
3. Co-Own the Bar
I’ve learned that people often exceed expectations when they feel ownership. So I frame big goals as shared missions, not personal standards.
Google’s Project Aristotle found that the most successful teams weren’t the smartest—they were the safest. Psychological safety was the key to collaboration and innovation.
What Happens When We Lower Expectations?
We might avoid conflict. We might get something shipped a little faster. But we also open the door to:
- Mediocrity
- Mistrust
- Missed potential
As James Clear wrote in Atomic Habits:
“You rise to the level of your systems. You fall to the level of your standards.”
Teams that are never stretched rarely grow. Projects that are never challenged rarely improve. Ideas that are never tested rarely lead.
So… Was the Feedback Wrong?
No. It was honest. And useful. It helped me shift from assuming alignment to creating it.
I no longer ask people to meet me at a high bar without first building the path together.
But I’m still not lowering it.
“High standards protect you from low-quality experiences.” — Ray Dalio
That applies in leadership, in life, and in every cross-functional meeting on your calendar.
Final Thought
We don’t drive performance by lowering expectations. We do it by clarifying them. We do it by building shared understanding, giving context, and inviting collaboration.
So the next time you hear that your expectations are too high, ask yourself:
- Were they clearly communicated?
- Were they grounded in business priorities?
- Were they resourced to succeed?
And if the answer is yes?
Hold the bar. Someone will rise to meet it.
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